The Pastoral Urbanite

Rock and roll is ultimately a pose. And despite the fact that at some point in the history of what is called punk, "poseur" was about the worst thing anyone could call you, the whole point was posing until the pose took and your dreams became authentic. Today, in the world where the Bowery is where millionaires live, authenticity is what you make of it. I wear it, therefore I am.¹ - Glenn O'Brien

I am the Pastoral Urbanite.

Its a pose I'm convinced. But with Mr. O'Brien's definition in mind, its a pose I'm willing hold until it takes.

I dwell in a small college town, but I've lived in a big city.
I've gazed from the vista and teetered on the building ledge.
I've trudged a dirt road and I've hailed a cab in the rain.
I've towered in the pulpit and wallowed on the curb.

What I've learned is that either place has things I love and things that I hate. So now I spend my days and nights with a woman I love looking for the balance of life. A life where success isn't defined by the size of my house or my ability to fit within the accepted norms of the people around me. A life with fresh basil from the garden, picked while still in the suit and tie from the workday. A life where Sinatra is just as likely as Kanye to turn up in the playlist. A life full of friends from every background and discussions from every position. A life with bicycle rides for groceries, pictures of my smiling children, and nights on the sofa figuring out if the world is actually going to hell in a hand basket.

The pose I choose is to take the best of the urbane, mix it with the fruits of the pastoral, and make a life worth living. Sometimes it will read like a poem, more often like a magazine, and sometimes like a farm report. But it will be as honest as I can be while holding the pose.

Thoughts on Esquire's Portable Style Manifesto (in 3 parts)

1. The suit's got to fit. Esquire is right. While a general slide toward casual is devastating the suit market, you walking around like you're wearing your dad's hand me downs isn't helping. However true the rule is please ignore Esquire's oft quoted hand in jacket trick for checking your size. Buy your suits from a reputable retailer who has a measuring tape within easy reach. Your body type and personal style have a lot more to do with how your suit fits than how big your hand is, but generally you're suits are probably too large and your slacks sitting too low.

2. Respect the tie. Tuck in the shirt. Button the jacket. Get it right, all the time, every day. Esquire, again, is right. There are times to loosen your tie, untuck your shirt, and unbutton your jacket but those times are exceptions. Those actions are sloppy and their power comes from judicious use. If you use them every day then you'll just come off unkept. Instead take 10 minutes every morning to make sure your tie knot is immaculate, your shirt is tucked nicely, and you coat is appropriately buttoned. You're trouble will be noticed even if no one knows exactly what they're appreciating. And the next time you loosen your tie at the office you'll make a statement instead of a whimper.

3. Something on you person should always make a statement, and that statement should preferably be "Go to hell." Yes, again but tread carefully. This is one of those rules that can be easily overdone. Make a statement... Don't make a soliloquy. A belt buckle, odd socks, your lucky dice cuff links and a paisley pocket square all on the same day makes a statement where you're the punch line. One statement of personal style at a time is good place to start and if you're really up tight starting with something generally hidden is fine.

Then the morning comes...

All the empty vessels are in the trash and the glasses are in the dishwasher. The lone fallen soldier (a white wine glass) has been placed to rest, his remains where all good stemware go when they can no longer fulfill their duties. The revelers slumber while the banana pancake batter and bloody mary mix await their zombish walk into the kitchen. This is one of my favorite times...

Last night we celebrated my wife's birthday. Twenty or so of our dearest friends, with a few heartbreaking exceptions, filled the patio. Spirits flowed, cheese was munched, and recently murdered basil tempted our taste buds galore.

It was a costume party complete with representatives from Hogwart's, nSync, and Shawn of the Dead... I'm not sure how it could have been any better. There was the one friend who never gets drunk but decided to over do it. There was my gay friend teaching all the women about straight sex. There was an appropriate amount of PG-13 nudity and plenty of stories from parties long since past.

But as I worked the party, complete with Hugh Grant costume, mixing with the crowd and mixing drinks. I realized something that I've always known. I love my wife....

The most intoxicating thing at her party was not the tequila or the even the 18 year old Glennfiddich... It was her. Dressed as her favorite character from A Midsummer Night's Dream, laughing, and talking and generally being irresistible. Cursing without being vulgar, drinking without being drunk, flirting without crossing the line.

So today I'll make sure I tell her... I'll tell her how perfect she was last night and how amazing she looked this morning... And I'll remember that without her birth date... and all the birthdays that brought her to me... life would lack the spice that makes it worthwhile.

GQ Rules: 25 Essential Tips, Secrets, and Shortcuts Guaranteed to Improve Your Style... Part 2

11. Learn to tie a bow tie. Ok... learn may be a little misleading. Practice. Get a bow tie, get some instructions, and tie a bow tie. Then put them away. When you first hear of an event where your going to wear the tie, take it out and do it again. One week prior... do it again... The day before.... do it again. Now the day you go out the tie will look good and take about 15 minutes instead of an hour and a half... and your collar won't look like you slept in it.
12. Get a long dark scarf. Black's has cashmere scarves for 200, Gap has cotton ones for 40.
13. Learn how to form a dimple in your tie. The dimple in your tie is the small crease in the center just under the knot. It gets there by pinching the tie as you pull it tight.
14. Cordovan dress shoes are indispensable. Cordovan is not a color. Cordovan is a type of leather, originally from the backsides of French work horses. Today it generally means leather from horses and isn't as good as it once was but industrialization of farming has led to a lack of old workhorses.
15. If you want your suits to survive, dry clean them infrequently. This doesn't mean don't clean them though. Suits should never be dry cleaned if they aren't stained. Brush them frequently, steam them for wrinkles.
16. Puffy or multipeaked pocket squares are dorky. (Yours should be, well, square- like Sean Connery's.) Pocket squares should be worn... after that everyone needs to calm down.
17. Always stow a dress shirt at the office. White or blue, have your dry cleaner fold it.
18. Keep your Dopp Kit stocked and ready to go. Have both of them stocked... One that stays at work and one in your closet. Put everything you need in it. Medicine, products, whatever. I keep a small one in my car too. (By the way, Dopp Kit is actually a brand name for the original maker of small leather bags for toiletries.)
19. Tell your dry cleaner you want your dress shirts cleaned without starch and pressed by hand. This is difficult to do.... Most dry cleaners have gone industrial and finding one that will hand press can be hard. Saying no starch doesn't always help either because large presses usually have starch left on them from the last guy's shirt. I prefer to iron my own shirts. Wash your shirts as normal, hang dry, use Magic Sizing instead of starch.
20. The gray crew neck sweatshirt is an American classic.
21. Invest in a great shoulder bag. Call it what you want. Man bag, purse. A shoulder bag keeps junk out of your pockets and messing up your pant lines. Buy a good one.
22. When you wear your trim two button suit, leave the belt in the closet- You don't need one. If pants have belt loops... wear a belt.
23. Wear cuff links without a tie. But don't assume links have to be huge novelty items. Try silk knots for a more subtle look.
24. When wearing sunglasses with a suit or sport coat, wirerimmed aviators are your most refined and understated option.
25. Sambas are the one sneaker that always go well with a suit.

GQ Rules: 25 Essential Tips, Secrets, and Shortcuts Guaranteed to Improve Your Style... Part 1

Every so often GQ will issue a booklet of advice, usually given away for subscribing. Here's my take on this years with tips on making them work in Pastoral Urbania. (Text in italics are quotes directly from GQ).

1. Buy a two button suit. Assuming you haven't already... This is a direct statement against the three button, which I believe is worn way too much. The three button is better for some body types, but usually makes you look like your trying to mimmick your favorite NBA star.


2. Chances are, you're wearing your suit a size too large. Absolutely... This is why men look like they're little boys. A suit that's too large makes you appear to have ransacked your father's closet. Let someone who knows what they're doing help you and always try the same suit in multiple sizes before purchasing.


3. Put toe taps on your leather soled dress shoes. I always forget to do this... Note to self....
   
4. Matching wood hangers. Plastic is acceptable, wire is uncivilized, and matching wood hangers are perfection.


5. If you're going to own one sweater, make it a charcoal gray v-neck. It goes with jeans, slacks, under a suit, even khakis... You can wear with a dress shirt with or without a tie, with a t-shirt, no shirt.... you get the point.


6. A black J.M. Weston belt works with khakis, jeans, suits, everything. Except that it costs $350 dollars which for most folks is about $300 dollars too much for a belt.
   
7. A dark, slim tie will instantly give any esemble a younger cooler feel. If you've ever tried to pull of a tie with jeans and felt like a dork then the width of your tie is probably the issue. I bought a nice navy tie at J. Crew yesterday about two and half inches thick.
   
8. Your raincoat should be as trim and tailored as your suits.
   
9. Invest in a classic one or two button tuxedo with peak or notch lapels. The reason for this is simple. Buying a tuxedo costs about as much as renting one twice. By buying one you can guarantee a good fit, dodge having to return it quickly, and your bowtie will actually untie.


10. Don't waste money on a fancy lint remover.